Rusty's Blog

Every guy knows at some level that he is replacable. It could be with another guy, or a woman, a toy, or even an interestingly shaped handdle, or piece of a broom stick. It often doesn’t matter if a guy is married to a woman or not, He may be replaced at almot any time by another guy, who happens to be convienent, and attracts the appropriate, or is it inappropriate, interest.

One of the side effects of this is that guys either get overly confident, blustery, the like about their own proweres, ability, or endouments, or (and this may also be within those, he becomes insecure, and starts seaking signs that his current interest is devoted tohim in ways that may never materialize.

Someone is going to come along here, and accuse me of saying that “all women are low life scumm who … yada, yada.” I’m not. I honestly think that a majority of women are very satisfied with their partner, and suspect that within stable relationships, the majority take no opportunities to stray. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that most pair bonds are stable relationships. Entirely too  many of us find some way to either re-affirm our manhood, and there is a strong incentive for a woman to find a stable partner who will provide over the long term, whil finding an unstable partner who excites and pleases her for brief periods of time.

With a few exceptions, I suspect that the ‘unstable’ partner is going to carry a lot of characteristics in common with her long term partner, if only to reduce the chance that she will be abandoned with a baby that matches a few characteristics that are somewhat uncommon for highly unlikely to have come from him. Say for example if he and she are read headed irish folk, and their new baby happens to have somewhat darker skin tone, or straight black hair, mom might gt concerned that dad is wondering just how close she’s been getting to the black or indian postman, or the asian tax lawyer they worked with last winter. It’s possible that he’s been ‘replaced’ even temporarily, but if she were thinking about it already, she’s probably made sure that it’s the irish milkman she’s getting some on the side in the morning with instead.

Again, I’m not saying that this is the majority situation. But it does happen, and many, if not most, guys are very concerned about it happening to them.

One method of coping is to ‘Play the field.’ and ‘not commit’ to a relationship, untill he’s a lot more certain that he’s not being played for a fool.

Women, as much as some guy’s will suggest otherwise, by playing the field, or having a girl in every port or at every truck stop, etc, you are not replaceable. And at some level you realize that. You get jealous when you think that a guy is cheating on you with another woman. Now some guys might think that this is strange, why should you be allowed to be jealous, and the guy sort of has to cope with his fears. Well, there is an average 19 year commitment reason that you become concerned over very quickly.

If you’ve decided on the nice stable guy, and all too late you discover that he’s still playing the field, and has knocked up some other woman, you start having all sorts of questions that need to be handled. “When was my last period” may very well be the first question you ask. Ok, it’s not exactly a question for you, it’s more along the lines of it’s been X days since i started, or finished my last period, and I have n-x days left. And you robably know that if you areat x=n-x, or within a couple of days of that, and you’ve been messing around, that you may now have a really big concern over who’s going to help you while Stable guy is over at the other woman’s house raising his other woman’s child.

My take on it is that there’s not a lot of time being spent on trying to figure out what the likelyhood of you being pregnant are. If you’ve been working towards that condition, you already have a pretty good idea of where you are in the cycle. It’s more handling the emotional concerns of ‘what now?’ than trying to figure out ‘odds.’

Of course some guys are going to be cuckooled. It happens, and strangely enough we tend to see enough variation in even ‘perfectly matched’ parrent’s children that a cucooled child can often get by un-noticed. Ladies, I’m going to suggest that if you’ve introduced this sort of a situation, that you work damned hard to make sure that your huby knows that he is appreciated. Perhaps more than he was when you got together to begin with. Specifically you want him to know that even though he was sitting home alone the nights you were in an out of town staff meeting just 9 months before littl one showed up, that little one is very definately ‘dad’s. And reward him frequently. We tend to think with our balls entirely too often, but I would say that its perfectly OK to take advantage of that, and keep our balls happy and in play.

As hard as I tried for 9 years as a single parrent, I can assure you that I know that mom is not who I ever was. I made mistakes, and I know that mom’s do as well, don’t get me wrong, And I don’t think there is ever going to be a step-mom who will suffice. In most cases a father who becomes a single parrent, either as a result of a divorce, or as a result of becoming a widdower. As a single parrent, it’s almost a given that dad will not have the time to get involved with someone who he will be comfortable bringing into his children’s lives as a ‘replacement’ for ‘Mom.”

There are things that I’m not happy with about my ex. Some of them are related to how she fought some of the battles we fought, legal and others. But the thing that most disturbs me is that since we separated, I’ve not developed a stable relationship with another woman. And as odd as it seams, the fault for that is not her, so much as it is my own.

The really bad part is that I like a number of women that I trust, though some might consider that trust to be misplaced. In my case the trust is that I have what I conseder to be a reasonably confident ability to predict an unfavorable result to specific situations. Mostly it means that I won’t let myself get into a situation where that variety of result can happen with them. I’m really hoping that in most cases, that ‘trust’ is misplaced, however I don’t expect to give many people the chance to gain confusion on the subject.

Sounds like I don’t like women? That’s not what I said by any means. In fact with very rare exceptions I very much like most women I have become aquainted with. I even like my ex, and there are people who think I should not. But ‘liking’ is not the same as ‘willing to risk.’

I’m at the point in my career where I am really working on getting my retirement in order. That’s not exactly conducive to having and raising children. And it’s really not conducive to paying child support for 18 or 20 years either. At some level I do think that’s rather sad. But it’s a decision I’ve pretty much committed to for myself.

Obviously this does not mean that I have to be alone. At the moment I have some pretty good ideas of who I’m not interested in sharing that part of my life with, but I still haven’t decided what characteristics I am interested in.

Experience suggests that I won’t see more than one or two comments on this blog, if I see even that many. That said, I really am open to suggestions. I’m not interested in a ‘mail order bride’ or being set up in an “arranged” situation. I wouldn’t mind a few recommendations, or meetings that are arranged, it’s the whole ‘your going to do…’ variety of arrangeed that I’m not interested in.

Tomorrow is Mother’s day. If your mother is arround, send her a greeting of love, and appreciation. If she is not arround, and you’re hardly alone in that, remember her with fondness and love. Especially remember her hopes and wishes for you. It’s entirely likely that you have not achieved many or all of those dreams. Most of us do not. But those hopes and dreams are still a part of her image of you, and you should remember those things too. After all, Your mother was not replaceable either.

Best of wishes.